whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
