dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
