i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
