He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
