Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
