Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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