Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
