my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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