tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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