Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
