Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Randomize
