I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
