I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
