If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
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Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
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I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.