Texts From Last Night

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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?

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  (908): so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts? http://tfl.nu/ocmm
  Replies (49) Good night (1581) Bad night (6013)
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  (315): View more from New York

  you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.

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  (315): you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva. http://tfl.nu/9emb
  Replies (20) Good night (2620) Bad night (664)
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  (504): View more from Louisiana

  I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!

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  (504): I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed! http://tfl.nu/xwtw
  Replies (26) Good night (3777) Bad night (1237)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?

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  (804): Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex? http://tfl.nu/035m
  Replies (26) Good night (1487) Bad night (4497)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...

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  (317): All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"... http://tfl.nu/vy09
  Replies (6) Good night (4962) Bad night (1056)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.

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  (509): I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here. http://tfl.nu/f99e
  Replies (19) Good night (1600) Bad night (5494)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets

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  (954): I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets http://tfl.nu/eeot
  Replies (10) Good night (1320) Bad night (4235)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"

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  (732): you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito" http://tfl.nu/4p4o
  Replies (5) Good night (2545) Bad night (779)
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  (575): View more from New Mexico

  You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.

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  (575): You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup. http://tfl.nu/dggj
  Replies (4) Good night (4619) Bad night (1255)
• Favorite

  (269): View more from Michigan

  If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you

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  (269): If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you http://tfl.nu/cez4
  Replies (5) Good night (1989) Bad night (850)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40

  (417): View more from Missouri

  I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers

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  (573): So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40 (417): I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers http://tfl.nu/ngz4
  Replies (5) Good night (1757) Bad night (621)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

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  (270): I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity. http://tfl.nu/gfm7
  Replies (3) Good night (1330) Bad night (543)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.

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  (330): Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving. http://tfl.nu/wsf8
  Replies (2) Good night (980) Bad night (515)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over

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  (610): first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over http://tfl.nu/fqcy
  Replies (2) Good night (782) Bad night (475)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour

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  (412): Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour http://tfl.nu/9ahf
  Replies (4) Good night (707) Bad night (307)

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