you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
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I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
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And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college