her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
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Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
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pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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