Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?

  (1-570): View more from Pennsylvania

  you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds? (1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911 http://tfl.nu/vzb8
  Replies (109) Good night (40620) Bad night (2287)
• Favorite

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (401): she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits. http://tfl.nu/xfwk
  Replies (33) Good night (1214) Bad night (6074)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut http://tfl.nu/7k06
  Replies (40) Good night (5852) Bad night (983)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (603): You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!" http://tfl.nu/jokx
  Replies (9) Good night (5053) Bad night (996)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (678): Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date. http://tfl.nu/ovv7
  Replies (3) Good night (2955) Bad night (836)
• Favorite

  (513): View more from Ohio

  I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (513): I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food. http://tfl.nu/mdny
  Replies (4) Good night (2595) Bad night (816)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (512): I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings. http://tfl.nu/0ge6
  Replies (10) Good night (2529) Bad night (1742)
• Favorite

  (518): View more from New York

  I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (518): I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone. http://tfl.nu/dcqd
  Replies (3) Good night (2661) Bad night (688)
• Favorite

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (304): Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle. http://tfl.nu/n2vr
  Replies (1) Good night (711) Bad night (283)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.

  (1-704): View more from North Carolina

  1. Thanks. 2. No.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (704): She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister. (1-704): 1. Thanks. 2. No. http://tfl.nu/698u
  Replies (6) Good night (512) Bad night (980)
• Favorite

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  And then someone hit me with a pool cue

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (604): I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud. (604): And then someone hit me with a pool cue http://tfl.nu/5hgm
  Replies (4) Good night (1040) Bad night (394)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (321): This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat http://tfl.nu/jdal
  Replies (0) Good night (689) Bad night (367)
• Favorite

  (770): View more from Georgia

  so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (770): so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me http://tfl.nu/3pww
  Replies (3) Good night (1103) Bad night (279)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (443): i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out http://tfl.nu/wy5k
  Replies (2) Good night (440) Bad night (276)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (530): I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland. http://tfl.nu/s0xd
  Replies (1) Good night (631) Bad night (203)

Randomize