i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
