so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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