You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
