I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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