that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
