He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
why do cheetos always look like penises
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
