so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
