so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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