I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize