So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
