I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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