what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize