You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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