I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
