There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
