Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
