my sisters under your porch take her home
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
