i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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