there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
