She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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