so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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