If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
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