Swine flu. Run for my life!
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
