i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
