he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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