carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
