Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
