I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
