i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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