WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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