if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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