He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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