I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
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Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
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He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
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