Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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