I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
is wine microwaveable?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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