I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
