She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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