Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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