well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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