I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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