it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
