I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
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trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
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I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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