Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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