Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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