wanna go halves on a baby?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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