yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
