you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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